No one knows, there are no fixed rules to educate a child and be a good father or mother. Each child has a character, even I have two children, I have used the same situations, the same techniques and the results have been different. The techniques or tricks that were worth to me with one, are not worth to me with the other and vice versa. Education is a subject with a lot to explore and infinite, we will never find a perfect method because it does not exist.
However, once these premises are established, we can draw a common factor and basic conclusions about the education of our children that I will try to reflect in this basic guide. I have read a lot about how to educate my children, most of the readings end up repeating the same techniques and procedures, therefore, I have thought about creating this little educational guide or manual that I make, after many readings, conversations and videos on the subject. I hope it helps you as much as it did me.
Remember to be patient with these techniques, even if you do them right the first time, the results will take a while to arrive. Constancy.
5 basic rules to be your best version as a parent
1. Spend more time with your children
Parents are going a thousand an hour, we are overwhelmed and stressed and we no longer dedicate so much time to our children. So when we get home it is easier for us to keep glued to TV or video games, we love them very much but so we also rest. However, this is a big mistake, the time you do not dedicate to your children you will never recover. Children who grow up with the feeling of absent parents often have effective and emotional deficits in adulthood.
- Talk to your children. And if you already do, talk more
Let’s not stay in the typical “How about school?” or “What did you eat in the dining room today?” These questions are very closed and do not allow dialogue. Be interested in knowing his tastes, his friends, what he loves, what he hates … Try to get to know your child more, this will create a communication link that will extend beyond childhood and will encourage them to share with you their concerns and problems as they grow.
- Teach him to solve his conflicts and problems without giving the result
It is not about giving him clues to get to the subtraction result, or guiding him to solve his problem with his little brother. It’s about guiding him to find his own result by asking questions like “What exactly is going on?”, “How would you solve it?”, “If you do that … What would happen then?” Let him make his own decisions, he will never learn to solve his problems or make decisions.
- Always thank and acknowledge your accomplishments
The best social skills are born from assertiveness and good self-esteem. For this, it is best to educate in gratitude and recognition of achievements and, for this, we must start with the little ones. Remind him of what he has done well and be grateful when he does something. This will help him to become more self-confident and in turn help him learn the value of gratitude and compassion.
- Allow them to become aware of the world’s problems
Do not spare them the hard drink of seeing what is happening in the world: wars, hunger, poverty … Children must be aware of what is happening around us in order to exercise their empathy and compassion and also feel for the first time that they are necessary and can do things that improve life: if you are aware of the ‘problems’ in the world that can be fixed, you will realize that he can be important to achieve change.
How should I act as a parent?
It is essential that you realize that you are their model, they will imitate you in everything. Therefore, do not relax when you are with them because the children will exaggerate your defects, if you scream, they will do it twice as much as you do, if you use your hands to eat at some point, they will do it constantly.
Children read your body language and interpret your state. If you are nervous, they know you are not under control. They know it and take advantage to disobey. If you are calm, you will see that they obey better. A scream is synonymous with not having control.
It seems silly, but the slow and calm tone of voice or slow but sharp if necessary is very effective.
How to teach children to be more autonomous and independent?
Teach, accompany and repeat, leave them alone, repeat and correct. We have to accompany them to promote their autonomy and facilitate the execution of their tasks. Sure, they deviate or postpone but you must channel them to finish their tasks. Little by little you must withdraw the accompaniment until they are able to do it by themselves. Then you will only have to observe them and introduce those small corrections that you have not done before so as not to complicate the process.
For example, they are first taught to dress the basics but they do not need to know how to button their own shirt or the buttons of the pants from the beginning. They must know that these small tasks call us, we carry them out and they continue. They love to be autonomous; you will see that soon they will scold you if you exceed your observation task and try to help them.
How to improve and increase my child’s self-esteem?
You must trust him and he will realize that he is capable of performing certain tasks on his own. Your child needs to check for himself that he is capable of doing his things. You will see that he also gets angry if you do something to him that he had assigned, because he watches over his autonomy.
Accept your child as he is, no one is perfect in everything, nor a disaster in everything. Be aware of its good qualities to enhance them. Often, we only highlight bad attitudes or behaviors and not how well they do it. You have to recognize the good, but without reinforcing everything you do.
How can I get them to behave better?
Children want to behave like adults and do the activities they see others doing. As much as possible, they should participate, take the dirty clothes to their place, setting the table, clearing the room.
Although parents are faster, we must let them gradually take over certain tasks. Do not underestimate what your child is capable of, they can surprise you with their young age in the speed of learning and tasks they can perform.
Assign small tasks such as:
- Pick up your room and toys
- Clear the table after eating
- Collaborate in a home activity
- Pick up the clothes that are changed in the basket
For each small previous task carried out, we can assign points to you, and add up until, in the short term, you receive your prize and can verify the result of your effort. Depending on the difficulty, assign the points.
How do I punish my children when they are children?
There are several ways to punish or correct:
- Distraction: Sometimes children are very persuasive and if they don’t get something, they can become very insistent. In these cases, the best option is to use distraction, divert the conversation to an anecdote that has happened to us, invent a related story or play with it. In this way, you are likely to forget the original reason for your insistence.
- Short and short orders: Don’t make long speeches about why you can’t do a certain thing, just say NO, IT’S OK and wait for his behavior. Then more calmly and when he is receptive, you can explain the causes.
- Thinking corner: Send him to a remote place where he cannot play but who is not isolated from the environment, nor in a place where he may be afraid. The goal is for you to think about what you have done and to realize it. We will call this place the thinking corner. Having it between two and five minutes will be enough if you are under five years old. If you don’t want to be there, grab it and take it to the site as many times as necessary until your time is up.
- Take away something they like for a short time: if they are fighting while watching TV, turn it off until they calm down, or take away a toy if they are screaming. Never lengthen these punishments too much because children do not understand long deadlines and you may have trouble meeting them.
- Always avoid physical punishment: do not slap him on the ass, nor slap him, nor any type of aggression, since, although in the short term it is effective in silencing or avoiding inappropriate behavior, it causes anger and frustration, it does not teach good behavior and each time the punishment must be greater because it will get used to.